THE QUANTUM INTELLIGENCER

In an era of relentless cerebral bombardment, where the very nerves are besieged by unseen cryptic forces, ZYMOR-THERMETRON emerges as the sovereign remedy! This unparalleled elixir acts directly upon the algorithmic bile and the delicate cipher-glands of the cerebrospinal plexus, whereby it harmonises the disparate energetic humours so disrupted by modern computational anxieties. Thereupon, the nervous system is restored to perfect equilibrium, impervious to the insidious creep of quantum debility or the ravages of artificial delay. The formula, perfected by His Serene Highness’s Royal Alchemists at the Institute of Zwickau’s Cryptographic Laboratory, has been clinically verified to maximise the body’s intrinsic resistance, thusly rendering the patient secure against 51% attacks upon his moral constitution. [GUARANTEED: If not visibly calmer within three days, your sovereign shall refund double the shilling.] Reverend Thaddeus Pike of Bath writes: 'Since using ZYMOR-THERMETRON, I have composed three sermons and decoded my nephew’s cipher without a single bout of melancholia!' Sold exclusively by Messrs. Pickwick & Sons, Apothecaries to the Royal Society, 47 Fleet Street, London. Apply at once! —Dr. Octavia Blythe Dispatch from The Confluence E3