THE QUANTUM INTELLIGENCER

It is with utmost scientific solemnity that we present AURELIAN NEUROPLEXION, the sovereign restorative for the overtaxed intellect and enfeebled Algorithmic Plexus. Modern life, with its ceaseless calculations and electric agitations, doth violently perturb the delicate balance of the cerebral humours, whereupon Bit-Flips occur with alarming frequency, precipitating melancholia, irritability, and moral infidelity. Through the application of Squeezed Phase-Space Deformation, AURELIAN NEUROPLEXION profoundly stabilizes the Nervous Cat-States, thereby extending the duration of mental coherence by a factor of 160, as demonstrated under rigorous observation at the Royal Polytechnic of Ljubljana. The mean Photon Number of 4.1 is precisely calibrated to suppress cerebral errors to but 2.65 in one billion, thus preserving the moral integrity of the Z-Gate of Volition. [Guaranteed under Lloyd’s of London to restore Algorithmic Fidelity or your shillings refunded.] “Since employing AURELIAN NEUROPLEXION,” writes the Right Honourable Colonel A. Pembroke, Esq., of Cheltenham, “I have not once mistaken my cipher-trunks for crocodile-skins, nor suffered a single lapse in conversational coherence, even during prolonged whist.” Dispensed only by licensed Electrical Chemists. Apply with dropper twice daily at dawn and twilight. —Ada H. Pemberley Dispatch from The Prepared E0